Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I went picture crazy

I got a new camera yesterday!
And after getting a little bit of a handle on it.
I went completely wild!
Brown eyes trying to decide if he likes the cookie.


Daddy's Boy!

I just loved this quote!  My husband is a Crew Chief!

I just loved this picture!  Discarded shoes!

Brown Eyes!

Run Run as fast as you can......

I still need to learn about shadows.

Sweet Blue Eyes!

So Handsome!

Look Mom!

He's so precious!

My Loves!

I am running as hard as I can!

Faster!

Forget this, I am just going to ride!

Faster Bubbas!

Look at me climb!

Help!!!!!!!!!!

Brown eyes showing off his splits

Just stop taking pictures

Fine!

My nephew T, enough said!

Sleepy little man!

Though he woke up for cookies!
And I leave you with my favorite one.  My Blue Eyes!

Hope you enjoyed my crazy photo shoot!

~MarcieJ~

Monday, September 27, 2010

Out of the mouth of Blue Eyes

While discussing with Blue Eyes where he wanted his birthday party coming up in December, Blue Eyes excitedly told me he was going to be six.
Me: Oh, no.  You can't turn six.
BE:  I have to Mommy, six comes after five and I am five now.
Me:  But when you turn six you won't be my baby anymore, you will be a big big boy!  I don't want you to grow up!
BE:  (serious as can be) Mommy, if I don't grow up then I can't have kids or get a wife, and you want grandkids don't you!
ME: *lauging hysterically*

The things that come out of his sweet little mouth just amazes me!  His very literal perception of the world is priceless!

~MarcieJ~

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Late Night Babbling

    So here it is, very late.  I should be sleeping, but my youngest (Blue eyes) is sleeping on the couch next to me.  Watching him sleep warms my heart.  You see, Blue eyes has high functioning autism.  Therefore, our days are usually filled with bouncing, flapping (moving hands in a flapping motion), tantrums, using MY words correctly, intervening when he starts to loose control, the listening to stories that just go on and on and on until you finally acknowledge them and repeat them back, the OBSESSION with "buzz, buzz, buzz" lightyear and the gang, the going into public and getting starred out because of his odd behavior, the therapy sessions for him and the family, and did I mention the BOUNCING?????  All in all, he makes my life interesting!  Our family schedule is scheduled around him.  There are certain things, chores, times of days, and errands that have to be preped for in very detailed ways. 
     And so, when I see him laying on the couch sleeping, I just relax.  I look at my "normal" looking child and wonder "what if".  What if he was "normal"?  What if my days weren't filled with helping him to become prepared for life?  What if my oldest (Brown eyes) didn't have to know what it was like to sacrifice what he wanted in life to help his brother have a better one?  That there is the hardest "what if" not to dream about.  I wish that Brown eyes could have a wonderful, picture perfect life.  I dream that one day I don't have to ask him to, yet again, put aside his wants for what's best for the family's sack.  I pray that Brown eyes grows up loving his brother, instead of resenting him for all the things Brown eyes didn't get to do.  But, "what if's" are just that.  They are things we wish were different, but know will never change.  And so, we live our life which is greatly blessed by having a child with special needs, but also made more difficult for the same reason.
    There will be a "what if" that I will do my darndest to prevent, though.  The "what if" for Brown eyes.  That little boy is my hero.  He gives and gives so much to help his little brother, and he hardly ever complains.  There are times that my little hero willingly gives up his favorite food, toy, his choice in movies/tv, and so many other things I can't list just so Blue eyes won't be upset.  His one passion is to help his little brother succeed in life.  Did I mention Brown eyes is only 8!!!!  He is so empathetic, that we can all learn from him.  And so, we go on mommy/son dates once a month, he gets to go camping with his aunt and uncle, and his grandma takes him out for their date whenever possible.  We all give him special attention to remind him that he is just as special, and needs things done his way just the way his brother does.  We make sure to tell him how special and wonderful he is every day! 
  Sleeping next to me is this wonderful, special child who makes our family interesting.  So, here I am awake at 1 am just imagining all that will be, all that is, and praying to God to give me the strength to continue with His will for my family!

Missing my man!

  Today I recieved the first snail mail letter from my husband, EVER!  It is something that will forever be cherished and saved!  Not only was this a huge surprised, it was an amazing one.  Kevin has never been one for words, he always uses the wrong ones. :D  But, the words he used in this letter made me realize his love for me, and how he veiwed me.  It brought tears to my eyes and much needed joy to my heart.  It's amazing how just a few sentences added to the end of a letter can bring such happiness.  I am hoping that during times of stress, doubt, frustration, and self-doubt; I can bring out this letter and remember there is someone out there who loves me and cherishes me!  Thank you Kevin for these words, I love you, too!!!! 
   The only problem with this wonderful letter, is that it makes me miss Kevin even more then I did before.  My heart aches everytime one of our boys does something wonderful, and Kevin is there to miss it.  My bed and arms are lonely at night, making nightime the most difficult time of the day.  When something exciting or sad  happens, I don't have my best friend to turn to lend his shoulder or ear.  I cannot describe what it is like to be a single mom, but yet to be married at the same time.  Words cannot ever express the constant terror I live in that a knock on the door will bring the news every Army spouse fears!  My expressions will never show the agony I live in daily having my husband living 20 miles from the Iran border in NorthWestern Afganistan!  This is why this letter brings hope.  Because no matter what doubt or fear lives in my mind untill he returns safe, my heart will always know he loves me so much that it reaches across the distance!

~MarcieJ~