These are the words that brought me out of the funk I have been in lately. Trying to be Super Mom, SuperArmyWife, and Super Student takes a toll on a person. I can't be super at all things I do, heck I can't be super at one thing! That's just not who I am. I am a good mom, a good Army wife, and a good student. There is passion in my writing that can envelope the person reading it, but it's not great. My photos capture the wonders of this world, but I know people who capture it better. Is saying this a bad thing? No, it is realizing that I have to be happy with who I am and at what levels I perform on. This week I have been feeling especially down, this has to do with some of my assignments in my creative writing class and the fact that I hadn't spoken to my husband in a week! Where he is in Afghanistan, there is not a good communication set up yet. He is on a new FOB that they are building up at this moment, and it has 20 phones for 6,000 soldiers! I am grateful for any time I get to hear his voice. Though, this lack of communication makes me feel really alone at times. I was reading him a piece today that I wrote that had started out fiction and then became the reality of pieces of my childhood. When I finished, all I could hear was the static that meant our call was lost. I started crying into the phone mumbling something about him not being there and me being alone again. I hung up and continued my pity-party. Then, the phone rang again. Upon answering it I heard him say the above phrase with such love and compassion that I knew no matter what, I wouldn't be alone. He doesn't have to be here with me for him to be "here" with me. His love travels the distance and hugs me gently whenever I am feeling down. Thank you K, I love you!!!!!
I will leave you with the piece I wrote. Yes, it is a very sad piece, but to much a reality. Everyday thousands of children around the world are abused. The saddening part is the very last sentence in the story. To many times the child still feels a strong love for their abuser and wants to please them even after they were harmed by them. Child abuse is something more people need to become aware of so that more children can be saved!
Despairing Love
Shivering in anticipation of the next harsh word or stinging slap of the belt, the slender boy stood facing the wall in only his boxers. Tightly he closed his eyes, shutting out the pain reverberating through his backside. He knew that he wasn't supposed to go on the website, but it was fun and he couldn't help himself. Why had she put the laptop in his brothers room and told them they could play with it? She knew he couldn't withhold himself from his addiction. Sure enough, as soon as the computer screen flashed his drug before him, she stormed into the room.
Then, the screaming started. “How could you be such a bad child? Why do you disobey me for the one thing I tell you not to do? You are a terrible person who only cares about yourself!”
Before he could answer she had pushed him against the wall and had the belt slicing through the air with a sickening hiss. The scream escaped from his lips despite his determination not to show her the pleasure of his pain. Again the hiss came, followed by the torturous pain. This time he refused to parts his lips for the scream. The pain was terrible and his skin burned from the bite of her wrath. He heard the belt hit the floor with a deafening thud. Slowly he opened his eyes as fear flowed down his brow with his sweat. Matted blond hair hung before his eyes as he starred at the belt at his feet. He knew not to move, not to look at her until she spoke to him.
“Look at what you made me do. Do you think I like spanking you? If only you weren't such a deceitful little boy.”
At this she walked away to get her glass of wine. He knew not to move until she sat on the couch. His legs were trembling, all he wanted was to run far away. He knew he shouldn't have looked at the website; but he also knew that if it hadn't of been the banned website, it would have been that he “took the wrong tone” to her, looked at her wrong, or didn't run fast enough when she called his name. One day she would realize that he wasn't his father, hat he was only a scraggly 8 year old boy who wanted nothing more to please her. One day she would realize this, and the little boy hoped it would be soon as he went over and sat gingerly on the couch.
He curled up to her. “I am sorry I am so bad mommy. I love you! Please forgive me, it won't happen again! Do you need any more wine?”
I know the feeling of the call being dropped. I hate that feeling and mumble something and then cry when that happens too. It's a horrible feeling when you've only got a few minutes to talk each week and then it suddenly gets cut off. My fiance was on a base where they are setting up also, and communication was very very limited. He's still deployed, but moved to a different base and communication has improved a little bit. I hope it gets better for you and they're able to get many more phones for SO many soldiers.
ReplyDeleteNice piece of writing too. It is a very sad reality, and all too common, unfortunately. I'm a new follower, by the way :)